cantwalkwithoutit | IC Contact

I came to realize that my physical presence there is no longer necessary. I trained a coworker on the system I built, and they will be the one to supervise the installation.

And I knew this in abstract terms, of course, but the moon is quite a long distance away. I'm not comfortable with leaving you for that long after all.

[ A tired, bewildered sigh. ]

...I don't want you to put aside your dreams over me. I'm here, Emmett. I would be all right.

My fears are now stronger than my hopes.

[He sighs, allowing that heaviness to seep in.]

I took a mid-afternoon nap in the midst of packing. I dreamed that I'd gone to the moon as planned...and returned to an empty house. And given that everyone else I love has been ported out, one by one, it's no mere idle thought.

[ This is it. This is him, imagining Newt, judging him. For being that boyfriend. For convincing Doc to stay in when he wants to be out, for keeping him from other people and the things he wants to try.

This is him remembering that first argument and goddamnit if he isn't proving that stinkbug right. ]

...Something's happened.

Nike is gone.

With her, Max, Komasan, Marty again...I've loved and lost more within the last year than I have in the entire lifetime that preceded it. And it doesn't get easier.

[ The time for him to pop back over and have this conversation in person is somewhere looming, but Gold is frozen in his chair, uncertain. ]

...I didn't know. I'm sorry.

[He's flipping through his phone, looking at pictures of all his departed friends.]

I'm worried about what this means. I know Hermann was largely unsuccessful at finding a pattern, but...if you or I is next...

I don't want to go and regret it. It's far more important that I find something, anything that might allow us to find each other again in the event that...

A-and what means you're going to hide in our house instead of living your life to the fullest?

[He flinches as if he'd just been slapped.]

No, I...

I thought you didn't want me to go.

I don't.

[ It's the first time he's said it out loud. ]

But I don't want to keep you prisoner, either. I don't want you to make yourself unhappy just because I am.

You're not. These fears are all my own.

[He clutches the phone a little closer.]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you with my dithering nonsense. I'll just...take some time to think. Making a snap decision right now is likely unwise.

...

[ The sound of the connection closing might seem abrupt, but probably not as abrupt as the dogs breaking into a chorus of barking when Gold appears in the middle of their living room. ]

Emmett?

[Emmett's phone clatters on the table, one of the old pictures still displayed. He definitely looks a mess, face red and hair flying everywhere.

He takes a deep breath and crosses the room to embrace him, desperate for tangible proof that he's still there.]

Rumpel.

[ His stomach is tied in knots, but he has to put that side for now; clearly, Doc's worries are much bigger. ]

I'm here.

[ He slips his arms around him. ]

Everything's going to be all right.

[Emmett holds tightly for a long moment, forcing himself to focus on breathing. The weight of him in his arms is comforting enough to stabilize his line of thought, at least to some degree. He rest his head beside Gold's as he focuses, breathing him in.

When he finally feels strong enough to pull back, he grasps his hand.]

It wasn't my intention to draw you from your work, but...perhaps we should discuss this.

[He reaches down and shuts his phone off, blinking that picture away.]

I'm not beholden to anyone; work can wait.

[ He squeezes his hand and draws him over to sit down, the dogs milling around them, all concerned faces and sniffing noses and shuffling paws. ]

[The furballs gravitate to him, as always, shoving themselves up to lick his face. He sinks his free hand in their fur, comforted for the moment.]

Well...I suppose my first question is this. Why don't you want me to go?

[He's not upset about this, just curious. And hoping to somehow find an answer in this that will somewhat satisfy both of them.]

[ Gold wants to just deflect and say it doesn't matter, because he should go if it's something he's really looking forward to.

That would be easier. But he's thought enough about this that he knows why it bothers him. ]

...Because something could go wrong.

[ No, that was an easy, throwaway concern that he could use to avoid being really honest. ]

Because in the last year, I'm struggling to think of any time that I spent anywhere near as long apart from you as I would if you went.

[ And with the inventory in the shop pared down to nearly nothing, he no longer had a cocoon of warmth to wrap himself in to avoid feeling those harder feelings. ]

[That brought a sad smile to his face. It was an understandable concern. He shifted closer, leaning his weight against his side.]

Even if everything will be fine and I return shortly, separation is...highly unpleasant. We've been so important to each other, especially now.

[He understands that now better than he did.]

But if a short separation were to happen, could I do anything to make it easier? Frequent contact? Gently goading the dogs to hound you?

[Not that they're not doing it already, the little fuzzballs squirming eagerly against them.]

[ Gold turns to face him a little more, sitting up close, resting his temple against his. ]

Being able to talk. That would help.

[ And he...MIGHT wind up testing his teleporting abilities if things got desperate. ]

Absolutely. The communication link between Earth and the moon base appears to be strong...at least if that foolery on TV is any indication. And I would get concrete answers before making a final decision.

[He's somewhat reassured, but still going to take it slow. He wipes his eyes---there's a remnant of tear tracks, but it's mostly dog drool.]

But I realize that grief is clouding my judgment. I should resolve that first.

[ He reaches up to dry his face, handkerchief in hand. ]

I'll help however I can. Just...please let me."

Of course I will.

[He closes his eyes, simply soaking in that gentle touch. His cheeks warm a little further with embarrassment, but it helps.

When that's done, he opens his eyes just long enough to smile and angle himself for a kiss. Then, a quiet whisper against his hair.]

I love you. I haven't said that enough.

I should have known sooner that something was wrong.

You're not psychic...unless I've missed something?

[He smiles gently.]

Minds are tricky things, anyway. You're here. That's all that matters.

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